Citygrrrl

…I’m heading out of town today for a family funeral.  It wasn’t a surprise death, but rather a protracted period of dying from an incurable disease.  And yet, when she finally took that final turn and the end was obviously near, I felt surprised.  All of the waiting made us feel like we would be waiting for forever.  And now she’s gone.  It doesn’t feel entirely real.  But, that’s what funerals and memorials are for.  Reality checks.  Closure. Saying goodbye.  My mom-in-law is finally at peace and I feel good about that.

Enjoy the Portland weather while I’m gone!

straight ,great looking hung top need draining - 19 (gresham)

hung great shape work out need a hot ass to come bend over and rub this big package on that bubble but im fve ten one eighty need you to come to me ill host love tg cd or just soft lips on me hit me up im for real tonight

“Straight?”  Yeah right.  Silly boy.  The gay men’s ads are quite a bit different from the straight men’s ads.  The gay men are apparently not so much using craigslist to find a love connection.  99% of them are cruising for casual sex.  I suspect the straight men are too, but the gay boys are honest about it. 

Six more days and counting until my boy returns from Paradise. He called last night, tipsy on pina coladas, to chat. It was a fun chat, full of laughter and banter. He also told me he misses me “quite a bit.” He’s having a grand time snorkeling, swimming, hiking, and lounging on the beach so I’m pretty glad he misses me at all! I feel like I’m handling his absence pretty well. I miss him to pieces but I have enough going on to distract me from it. Especially on a beautiful day like today! Finally, some proper Portland weather!

I find out tomorrow if I got the job that I really, really want. It’s part-time, close to home (I could walk if necessary), and it pays well. I could hardly ask for anything better. I can take a part-time job because I have a side gig but neither is really enough to survive on so I need both. Getting this job would take a huge load of stress off me. NG hasn’t really known me without the threat of financial disaster hanging over my head. It’ll be awesome to be somewhat free of that. I’ve also had some other bummer-type family stuff percolating in the background. That looks to be over soon too. So, all in all, I’m feeling pretty excited about life and the upcoming summer. The mountains, the beach, the rivers. It’s good to be an Oregonian!

I’ve been reading the posts of my fellow sex and dating bloggers today (check out my blogroll for some goodies) and now I’m all horny.  The nice thing about having a couple of lovers was that when I started getting horny I had a couple of options for who to call up for a date.  Having a boyfriend out of town means I’m entirely on my own.  My Hitachi Magic Wand is awesome for a quick and easy orgasm but it doesn’t kiss me.  That’s what I really want.  Feeling horny for me is generally a desire for touching and kissing.  The sex just naturally follows from there.  Oh dear.  Still 9 more days with no kissing or nuzzling.  Woe is me! I am so spoiled rotten.

Ng is on vacation in Hawaii for two weeks.  He thought he would have cell service but after he texted me from the airport Saturday night, I didn’t hear from him again.   I sent him a couple of text messages but didn’t get a response.  Did he forget his cell phone charger? Did he get to his house in the jungle and discover that he had no service after all?  Am I going to have to go 9 more days without any contact at all?

I don’t need to be in constant contact but an occasional, “hi how’s it going?” is kind of nice.  So anyway, last night I got a call from a Seattle number and by the time my slowly moving brain figured out that it was probably his brother’s phone number, I had missed the call.  I called it right back and got voice mail because, of course, NG was leaving a message.  Arrrrrgh!  Sure enough, he only has one bar of roaming service which means he can get my text messages (broken up in random order, which makes them a fun word puzzle), but not send them or make calls.  His brother’s phone gets a couple of bars, so he borrowed it to call me.  Fortunately, he called me again awhile later and we got to chat.  Yay!  He wants me to keep the text messages coming, the naughtier the better.  It’s hard to send naughty text messages without getting naughty text messages in return, but I’m going to give it a shot.  He’ll call again in a few days, which works just fine for me.

There was a time several weeks ago when I thought I might have to go on a two month job assignment out of town. I would only be home on the weekends.  We ended up trying to figure out how he could be in Southern Oregon a couple days a week.  Happily, I didn’t have to go after all. With relief, he pointed out that we are just not wired to be apart for four days a week.  Pretty darned sweet.

He has an interesting question.

just a question for women - 30 (pdx)

ok, I need the advice of some single women looking for happy commited long term relationships. I have tried posting this in a the rants section and I usually just get mean people saying evil things to me. I figured I would post it where the woman are that I want answers from.

So my question/situation is that I find myself in my early 30’s with little to no relationship experience. I was hurt badly by someone i cared a great deal for around 20 and for a long time it made me overly cautious about giving my heart to another. I burried myself in my work and friends and travel and got over the pain but found myself kinda perma-single over the years. I guess what I want to know is how bad this looks to a woman. I know I am a loving giving man and I know that I want happiness and family and true intimacy with a best friend, but I feel like I did when I went to buy my first car. They told me that I couldnt get the credit to buy the car because I had no credit because no one had given me credit because I had no credit so therefore I couldnt get any credit. So I find myself a decade later still single and the last time I told a potential prospect that I had been single for the better part of a decade, she went running like I had just told her I was a serial killer. I guess what I’m asking is, is there hope for the guy with no “relationship credit”? Is an unexperienced man really that scary to you? Is there some base instinct that being single for this long sets off? I would appreciate any and all constructive advice or thoughts, thank you and please enjoy the cookies

I think I would feel a little leery of dating a guy who had been single for a decade. I don’t think it would be a deal breaker though.  Who knows what else is going with this guy. If he presents himself as damaged, he’s going to have a tough time of it I think.

I must say, R- is a pretty cool guy. He’s been ringing me up to go out lately and every time he does, I’m with NG so haven’t been able to chat. I finally e-mailed him with an update on my dating scene and told him it would still be fun to catch up over drinks. He responded enthusiastically and said he wants to hear all about NG. That is pretty cool. I like that we can be friends without the sex component.

I injured myself snowshoeing (I know, how the heck do you hurt yourself snowshoeing?) with NG a while back and ended up chatting with CB about it online. He offered some helpful advice on how to ice it properly. I had wished him a happy belated birthday on his myspace page so he pinged me to say thanks. Apparently, everything is “going really great” in his life. Pardon me for a moment while I sarcastically jump for joy. It’s not that I don’t want him to be happy, it’s more that he doesn’t seem remotely interested in whether I’m happy. He didn’t ask anything about how my life is going. A little give and take would be cool. That happened a few weeks ago. Such a waste of 5 minutes. Narcissistic rock star wannabes. Gotta love ‘em.

10 days until NG returns. Not that I’m obsessing over it or anything…

I feel like I have a secret.  I haven’t told NG that I love him, even though it seems more true with every day.  A couple of nights ago he declared that he “likes me” and then that he “likes me a lot.”  This was not exactly news to me and it made me chuckle to myself and smile.  I’d been thinking about telling him that I love him and he goes and admits to liking me. A lot.  It still makes me smile to think of it.  Yeah, I like him too–a lot.

Our relationship has been awesome.  We’ve been going on various adventures together, one of which involved a weekend at the coast with a bunch of my friends, including my ex-husband.  It was a great time and everyone liked him.  I haven’t written much about it because there hasn’t been any drama to write about.  I can only write so many “wow, this is so great” posts before I get tired of it.  If I could go into more detail about our activities without giving up my privacy, it would be a little easier.  Even then, I would just be relating how we went snowshoeing, hiking, surfing, or kayaking.  Or how we painted some pictures and watched some movies.  How our sex life is incredible and I don’t know what I’m going to do without him for 2 weeks while he’s away on vacation.  We seem to have done quite a bit of stuff in 10 weeks.

No, my biggest dilemma now is to figure out why I’m being so chicken about telling him I love him. Do I mistrust my feelings for him?  Do I feel like an idiot for loving CB and getting burned so it seems impossible that I could love someone else so quickly?  Am I afraid he doesn’t love me back and that I’m just some cool girl he’s dating for right now?  I think it’s all of those things, but most particularly the last one.

One the one hand, I don’t want to be afraid of telling someone how I feel.  I want my love to be a gift, freely given with no expectations.  On the other hand, I want him to love me back.  I feel loved.  That means more to me than any words he could say.  That’s part of why him telling me he likes me is so funny.  He says he likes me but I feel like he loves me.  I’d much rather have that than the opposite.  So why the fear and reluctance?

In some ways, not allowing myself to say the words forces me to turn love into an action word.  Instead of saying it, I show it.  Oh hell, I’m totally copping out.  I would still show it even if I said it.  Nope, I’m just a big chicken who doesn’t want to rush things.  My comfort is that I also felt oddly reluctant and chicken about kissing him, but once we broke through our mutual silliness, our physical connection was amazing.   I have 2 weeks to contemplate this love business.  I am quite resolved not to do it in a text message, because that would just be way too lame.  I chickened out on telling him before he left, so I’ll just have to wait.

Warning: This post may contain content of a sexually graphic nature, not intended for titillation. If you’re titillated by it, well hey, whatever floats your boat…otherwise, you may risk being grossed out. I’m not grossed out, but I figure I’ll give you fair warning.

So anyway, I did a new thing Thursday night with NG. I started my period Weds night so my plan for Thursday night was to go down on him and have sex in ways that didn’t involve me actually banging him. We ate dinner, we watched a movie, we started fooling around, I informed him of my plan, all went according to plan. Until. He took the plan into his own hands, or perhaps I should say dick, and we banged like bunnies anyway. The guy has white sheets, a white blanket, and a white comforter. This is not a good combination for having sex on one’s period. Plus, I was using a tampon, which is where the story diverts from other period sex experiences (which were pretty damn messy).

I already had the string tucked away so when he flipped me onto my back and started sliding in just a little, it apparently pushed the string further in. He had no idea there was a tampon. I kept him from entering me fully by holding him back a bit with my thighs. My god, it worked great. I had no idea it was even possible to do that, which is why I’m sharing it with you. I had sex with a tampon inside me. We actually managed to not get the sheets messy at all. It didn’t get messy until I went to take the tampon out afterwards, which took some amusing finger acrobatics on my part, as the thing was wedged way the heck up there along with the string.

We did the same thing in the morning and it was awesome. I definitely can’t go for as long as I can otherwise, but it was super cool. I’m totally excited about it. For some reason, using the Nuvaring has changed how I feel during my period. They’re lighter and shorter, and I don’t feel as icky. Plus, NG doesn’t have the squeamishness that some guys have around women’s periods. He’s not getting off on it, but I’ve noticed that Leos are pretty cool with just about anything if it means they get to be physically intimate with you. If you can find one that isn’t too emotionally needy, then woo-hoo!

Alright, here ends my period sex story. Now you know.

Update:

I’ve done this several times and after yesterday morning I feel I should point out that you shouldn’t try this at home unless you are very comfortable digging around in your vagina, up near your cervix, for the tampon that is wedged at some ungodly angle and seems entirely reluctant to vacate the premises.  I recommend using your index finger.  It may be shorter than your middle finger but it has more dexterity. You may need to bring your thumb into the action.

It’s funny how something as simple as my boyfriend kissing my forehead upon his return from the restroom at dinner tonight feels like such a big thing.  I think part of it is that I didn’t see him coming and so the kiss was a complete surprise.  It felt like a sweet gift, this simple display of affection.  He’s a physically affectionate guy, and I like that.

Somehow, the sex actually keeps getting better.  It’s probably in large part because I’m getting more accustomed to it and am therefore not sore like I was at first.  My gosh, the last lover I had who was this compatible with me in bed was a drama-filled disaster the rest of the time. To have someone this great in bed, who’s also great when we’re just hanging out cooking a meal, dorking around town, or watching a movie is almost mind-blowing.  And yet, I’m feeling pretty chill about the whole thing. My head is still screwed on reasonably tight. I’m doing all of my normal day-to-day activities without obsessing over him. I’m enjoying getting to know him.  This is me hemming and hawing about what my real feelings about him may actually be turning into.  I am so not going to say it first.