Citygrrrl

I must say, R- is a pretty cool guy. He’s been ringing me up to go out lately and every time he does, I’m with NG so haven’t been able to chat. I finally e-mailed him with an update on my dating scene and told him it would still be fun to catch up over drinks. He responded enthusiastically and said he wants to hear all about NG. That is pretty cool. I like that we can be friends without the sex component.

I injured myself snowshoeing (I know, how the heck do you hurt yourself snowshoeing?) with NG a while back and ended up chatting with CB about it online. He offered some helpful advice on how to ice it properly. I had wished him a happy belated birthday on his myspace page so he pinged me to say thanks. Apparently, everything is “going really great” in his life. Pardon me for a moment while I sarcastically jump for joy. It’s not that I don’t want him to be happy, it’s more that he doesn’t seem remotely interested in whether I’m happy. He didn’t ask anything about how my life is going. A little give and take would be cool. That happened a few weeks ago. Such a waste of 5 minutes. Narcissistic rock star wannabes. Gotta love ‘em.

10 days until NG returns. Not that I’m obsessing over it or anything…

The guy does tend to come and go. But, I’m finding I rather like that about him. R- called me up yesterday afternoon, completely out of the blue, to see if I wanted to hang out last night. He even apologized for being out of touch for so long. Considering I wasn’t in touch with him either, it wasn’t exactly hard to forgive him. As with FWB, it was a really nice evening.

I had a happy hour gig with some friends so we met up after that at his place. I got the biggest hug from him. I don’t remember getting big hugs from him before. He was always sort of my anti-touchy-feelie lover. We went out for sushi to our mutually favorite spot and caught up on what we’ve been doing. He falls into the Cancer Musician with Cats category of guy so we talked a lot about his various music projects without cracking into anything deeper. It turns out that he thinks I’m incredibly well adjusted. Apparently my +1 Shield of Pleasant Affability was firmly in place last night!

I had some people coming to my house for late night drinks and since R- knew them, I invited him along. We had some time to kill between dinner and drinks so we went back to his place. We fixed a couple of drinks in the kitchen, chatted about the holidays, probably chatted about something else, and then we were kissing. That was some good kissing, let me tell you.

Kissing R- always has a slow build up to passion because it always starts off so light. I think last night we had some of the best sex we’ve ever had. I like my boys to be a bit bossy in bed, mostly because I prefer not to have to think. One of the things I like about good sex is that it shuts down my mind and lets my body enjoy itself. He was totally on board with being bossy. Good grief, by the time we got all our clothes off, I wanted him so badly I could hardly breathe.

It took him a long time to come. I was getting worried thanks to my recent experiences but it was kind of cool in a way because he never gave up on it. He had kind of a “it’ll happen” attitude and so we just kept playing around until he got there. He likes it when I suck on my own nipples, which I think is hilarious, mostly because of the porn star face he makes when I do it. It was all in good fun. What finally got him off was tit-fucking me! I’ve tried that with people before and thought it was cool and fun but no one has ever come from it. It was awesome. Afterwards he was more touchy-feelie than he used to be too. They were light, stroking touches that felt very soothing and since we were going back to my place, I didn’t have to listen to him snore all night, which rocked.

You may recall that R- had a bit of a snarky streak. I’m sure he still does but it was absent last night. Now that I have him figured out a little bit better, I’ll just good naturedly throw it back at him if it happens. I want to be better about not hiding my reactions to people. I can spar with the best of them when I allow myself free rein to do so. I imagine we’ll hang out again sometime in the next couple of weeks and we’ll see how it goes.

My ex-husband finds this casual dating thing hugely annoying because he thinks I’m preventing myself from “finding someone.” Seeing these guys didn’t prevent me from meeting CB, who was supposedly, or at least potentially, that “someone.” Considering how emotionally fucked I was by the end, you’d think he’d cut me some slack and just be happy that I’m dating nice people I enjoy being around. Besides, R- has a sweet outdoor hot tub.

I just rolled in from a night with R-. He texted me last night around 11pm to see if I wanted to go to his place for a drink and soak in his hot tub. I’m a big fan of drinks, sex, and soaking in hot water so I hit pause on the DVD I was watching and drove over there. I mean really, Babylon 5 can wait another day.

It’s funny, I’ve never dated anyone with a hot tub before. Consequently, my experiences with them have been limited to venues of a more public nature. The idea of going to one of those pay by the hour hot tub places with the private rooms has never appealed to me. I feel squeamish about what might be floating in the water from the last people. But I digress.

It was nice to soak, chat, get a foot rub, make out, and go down on him in the tub. I’ve always wanted to try that. The trick to not having to go under water and risk drowning was to cause him to float with my hands supporting his ass. His cock is freaking huge, but I may have mentioned that before. I’m always just a little surprised by it because he’s otherwise such a skinny guy. This notion that there’s not much difference in size between cocks is bullshit. They all have their charms if a guy knows what to do with what he has but, I’m just sayin’, there’s a difference.

We eventually moved into the bedroom to play. It was yummy. I hadn’t had sex in a few weeks so it was really nice to come with someone I like. Not that I have sex with people I don’t like, but rather it was nice to have another person with me as I came and I really enjoyed it when he came too. The shared experience was more satisfying than flying solo. I suppose that’s kind of a “well, duh.” But, by the end of my marriage, I preferred flying solo to having sex with my husband.

My friend who used to do the online dating sprees once told me that after awhile, casual sex started to feel like masturbation and therefore, he started to prefer masturbation because it was less of a hassle. I’d really like to avoid reaching that point. I think that’s why I try to find a lover or two at a time and stick with them for a bit. Getting to know them and what turns them on is part of the fun and if the sex were a one-off event, I’d miss out on that.

I decided to stay the night to see how it would go this time. Previous overnight stays involved me listening to him snore on the other side of the bed while I felt lonely, which totally sucked. I don’t feel lonely when I sleep alone in my own bed. This time was much better, thank goodness. He didn’t snore as much and we actually spent most of the night with some part of our bodies touching. I don’t need to be draped over the person I’m sleeping with, but I like to be touching him in some way, even if it’s just a foot resting on his. I woke up this morning feeling much more relaxed because of it.

Now, if only he smelled better, I might actually fall for him. But that’s a post for another day. I’ve rambled long enough.

-Quick update before I head out with my house mate to a show-

Hanging out with R- yesterday at my friend’s BBQ was really fun. We were together for about 4 hours and there was nary a snarky or annoyed comment to be heard the entire time. He actually said he liked my hair (if nothing else, I have really good hair and boobs) and commented that my Halloween costume needs to be sexy because I can pull it off and should in fact dress in sexy outfits as often as possible. It was very cute and flirty.

I got a great big hug when I picked him up, when I touched him in passing at the party he touched me back, and he kissed me in the car when I dropped him back at home. It was a very nice kiss, still in the delicate category, but I enjoyed it and it seemed that he did too. Maybe he saw my other profile and took some notes because he seemed much more physically relaxed and comfortable this time. All of that on top of him being friendly with everyone at the party and nice to me, actually made me want to hang out with him some more. I have a feeling we’re both too busy this week though.

Wacky. R- is going to the party with me on Saturday. Apparently, he’s a fan of grilled meat. Who knew? Soooo, I guess he doesn’t dislike me. I suppose that doesn’t mean he exactly likes me either. I’m really curious to see how this goes down.

Sometimes I feel like this, minus the animosity…

“‘May I ask to what these question tend?’

‘Merely to the illustration of your character,’ said she, endeavoring to shake off her gravity. ‘I am trying to make it out.’

‘And what is your success?’

She shook her head. ‘I do not get on at all. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.’”

-Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

Surely, Darcy was nothing if not snarky and puzzling. That’s about where the similarity ends though. I don’t expect R- to be declaring his passionate regard for me anytime…ever.

A month or so ago I wrote about going to my friend J-’s bbq. He’s a guy I dated last Fall and stayed friends with after he hooked up with his girlfriend. We enjoy going to shows together and chatting over beer at any number of pubs. I heard from him today for the first time since his party. It seems my e-mail and party invite landed in a folder he doesn’t check very often. This is the problem with sorting e-mails as they come in. He had me labeled as Family, which apparently is a folder mostly full of porn sent by his cousin. Oops.

It was a nice and chatty message. His girlfriend is his girlfriend (you may recall he had trouble introducing her to me) although he’s never sure whether he should say “partner” or not. Hence his hesitation. He also said she knows he’s friends with people he’s dated and that it’s fine. Whew! I feel relieved. I was worried I had offended him.

On another note, R- asked me on Friday what I had going today so I told him my tentative plans and that he was welcome to join me for any of them that sounded interesting. Apparently, none of them sounded interesting because I haven’t heard a word since. This is mostly annoying because I can see that he had time to check his online dating account, but didn’t have time to drop me a line saying, “Thanks but I have other plans” or something to that effect. It just seems kind of rude and dumb. I feel like we’re playing a game and I don’t know the rules. I think curiosity is the only reason I keep playing.

R- got back with me and suggested we make plans. There was nothing specific though. I told him he should let me know his availability and we’d see if we can make something work. I don’t think it’ll be until next week as I’m already pretty booked. Yes, I do actually do other things besides go on dates! For instance, right now I’m baking cookies. I’d tell you about the other things I do with my free time, besides blog, but then my secret agent status would be revoked. We wouldn’t want that!

I’m thinking that for the times I don’t have much going on the dating front, I’ll do flashbacks to some of my previous experiences with online dating. I’ll make it clear that’s what I’m doing in the title. Stay tuned!

Huh. I got an e-mail from R- last night commenting on the pictures from the party and asking me to refresh his memory on what bands I want on the mp3 cd he’s burning me. Ahhhhhhh, yeah. Huh? I hear nothing for a week and then this casually chatty e-mail indicating that we’re likely to see each other again? Unless he plans to mail me the cd. I responded with a friendly note in return, reminding him of the band we talked about on one of our dates. I didn’t ask him how he’s been or suggest we get together.

I find him puzzling. I had totally written him off and assumed he had written me off as well. All I can think is that his snarky comments require an equally snarky reply, because I’m sure as hell not going to put up with it otherwise. As for his physical proximity issues, should we ever actually go out again, my plan is to confront them head on and see how he reacts. I suppose this week of non-contact was good in that it allowed me to get my head screwed on a little tighter. I’m curious to see if he replies to my e-mail tonight.

So Tues night I went to dinner and a show with R-. Going on a first date with a potential romantic interest is such a different animal than going out with a potential FWB. I was oddly nervous as I waited for him to pick me up. I spent the rest of the night feeling oddly twitterpated as we chatted over dinner and then at the show. It could hardly have been more different than Sunday night. I was hugely relieved that he wasn’t annoying to be around.

Dinner involved a ton of coy glances. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so blasted coy in all my life. It was like that all night. At the show, I wanted to kiss him pretty much from the start but it was probably a good 2 hours before we managed it. I was leaning back against him a little bit at one point and I could literally feel his heart pounding in his chest. It was wacky. The entire affair was like doing a little dance with each other, neither of us making the move, both of us smiling knowingly each time we came close and then parted. I was apparently, “unexpectedly rockin,” which was pretty darned cute in the context of my preceding comment that the band had just played an unexpectedly rockin’ song. The kissing starting pretty shortly after that as mutual approbation led to courage.

R -: You’re really cute.

Citygrrrl: I was just thinking how adorable you are.

R-: Wow, adorable huh? I’ll up you to adorable too.

Citygrrrl: Ah, why thank you.

R-: I’m having a good time tonight.

Citygrrrl: Me too.

And that’s pretty much all it took. Well, it also took a margarita and 2 shots of bourbon over the course of the evening. We left the show before it was over, him breaking into a cute swing dance on the way out, me attempting to dance with him and feeling very silly. At the end of it all, we ended up back at his place for an entirely different kind of dance than we’d done previously. Wow, I haven’t been fucked like that in quite some time. Not to be extra crass, but he’s pretty darned big and, man, he pounded the shit out of me. There was nothing demure or coy about it. Awesome.

I ended up opting not to stay the night even though it was offered. He has cats and I’m allergic so I need to take something next time. I was also worried about my housemate waking up in the morning to find me still gone. R- and I actually made out in front of my house for awhile before going to his place. We didn’t stay at mine because I felt weird about taking a first date home with my housemate there. Silly but true.

Our schedules don’t mesh again until late next week but it should be an interesting second date.