Citygrrrl

My god, will it ever be summer? I could hardly get out of bed this morning and everyone in my office was cranky because none of them wanted to get out of bed either. To top it off, my date with NG was canceled tonight. Considering how cranky I am, maybe that’s a good thing. We’ll get together tomorrow night instead. But, I couldn’t help feeling a little pessimistic about him canceling. Like he just didn’t want to see me today or something. He has to work, so it’s not like he bailed to go out with his friends instead (a la CB). This is the first time he’s ever canceled plans on the same day though so it’s a little rough timing-wise, given my already dark mood. I guess I’m not feeling very rational today.

In spite of the crappy weather, I went outside after work and got some exercise. It really cleared my head and that, combined with the impending arrival of my favorite pizza, will surely salvage the evening for me.

I have two friends (a couple) in my life who knew I was writing a dating blog. They didn’t know anything more than that though until last week, when they came across it on Oregon blogs and figured out after not too long that it was me. They decided I should know that they found it and they basically let me know how much they had read. This wasn’t a huge deal but it did make me worried about other friends figuring out it was me.

My biggest concern is that someone who knows the writer of this blog will find things out about people I’ve been with that those people would probably rather my friends not know. Like CB. My 2 friends now know some rather bummer information about CB that they didn’t know before. They also probably now know some information about NG that they would just as soon not have known. A girl has the prerogative to gossip to her friends about her lovers though, right?

On the other hand, being all mushy about NG as I am, I feel concerned about how he would feel about this blog. How would I feel if I found out that he was writing all sorts of intimate details about our sex life on a blog like this? I have no idea what he tells his friends about us and our little activities. Frankly, I think I would be alright with him writing about us so long as it was anonymous and I didn’t have to read it myself. I think that he would be alright with it too. But, and here’s the kicker, if I think he’d be fine with it, why don’t I want to tell him about it? Am I being dishonest in some way by not telling him about it? I’m not profiting from it in any way so I tend to think of it as a diary/public service announcement. It’s a dilemma.

I think what I’ll do is keep writing but be extra careful with the details so that people can’t identify me as easily. That shouldn’t be too hard. Still, I have this dread that I’m going to show up at his house for a date one night and he’s going to say, “Hello there Citygrrrl.” I think I would faint.

…I’m heading out of town today for a family funeral.  It wasn’t a surprise death, but rather a protracted period of dying from an incurable disease.  And yet, when she finally took that final turn and the end was obviously near, I felt surprised.  All of the waiting made us feel like we would be waiting for forever.  And now she’s gone.  It doesn’t feel entirely real.  But, that’s what funerals and memorials are for.  Reality checks.  Closure. Saying goodbye.  My mom-in-law is finally at peace and I feel good about that.

Enjoy the Portland weather while I’m gone!

straight ,great looking hung top need draining - 19 (gresham)

hung great shape work out need a hot ass to come bend over and rub this big package on that bubble but im fve ten one eighty need you to come to me ill host love tg cd or just soft lips on me hit me up im for real tonight

“Straight?”  Yeah right.  Silly boy.  The gay men’s ads are quite a bit different from the straight men’s ads.  The gay men are apparently not so much using craigslist to find a love connection.  99% of them are cruising for casual sex.  I suspect the straight men are too, but the gay boys are honest about it. 

Six more days and counting until my boy returns from Paradise. He called last night, tipsy on pina coladas, to chat. It was a fun chat, full of laughter and banter. He also told me he misses me “quite a bit.” He’s having a grand time snorkeling, swimming, hiking, and lounging on the beach so I’m pretty glad he misses me at all! I feel like I’m handling his absence pretty well. I miss him to pieces but I have enough going on to distract me from it. Especially on a beautiful day like today! Finally, some proper Portland weather!

I find out tomorrow if I got the job that I really, really want. It’s part-time, close to home (I could walk if necessary), and it pays well. I could hardly ask for anything better. I can take a part-time job because I have a side gig but neither is really enough to survive on so I need both. Getting this job would take a huge load of stress off me. NG hasn’t really known me without the threat of financial disaster hanging over my head. It’ll be awesome to be somewhat free of that. I’ve also had some other bummer-type family stuff percolating in the background. That looks to be over soon too. So, all in all, I’m feeling pretty excited about life and the upcoming summer. The mountains, the beach, the rivers. It’s good to be an Oregonian!

My normal Weds night activity was canceled this morning but as it happens, FWB asked if I had plans tonight. Since I suddenly didn’t have plans, we made one. So, as things stand now, I have a date tonight with FWB and a drinks date with the New Guy tomorrow night. Maybe that’s what I’ll call him, NG. If he survives our first date, and I think he’s cool enough, that’ll be his name.

Activity has slowed on the dating service site. I suspect that everyone who’s active and has a paid account has seen me and either opted to e-mail me or has decided to pass. That’s fine for now. Like I’ve said before, I don’t really want more than two or three lovers at once. R- barely counts since we so rarely get together. If NG doesn’t work out, I can revisit the other guys who’ve pinged me. NG looks scritchy. I suspect if we ever make out, there will be whisker burn. <sigh> Alright, back to work…

The one guy on the dating site that I was interested in pinged me today.  He has a dog. He digs music, travel, and various other things I like.  He’s tall and cute.  He lives in my quadrant of PDX. I suggested we meet for drinks.  I hope he’s cool in person.  Please, oh please, let him be cool in person!  I’ll come up with a “name” for him on here after we meet.  Wooo!

Hi folks,

I had a question about what exactly constitutes a hipster mustache as opposed to a regular mustache. A hipster mustache is not the Tom Selleck, Magnum PI ’stache. It’s more like what you might see on a steamboat captain circa 1888. It usually involves handlebars, often some kind of wax, and much fiddling about with it in public. There are those without the follicular strength to pull off the handlebar action. Those mustaches are typically rather wispy and sad. Click on the illustration below for LA Weekly’s take on the hipster mustache. This phenomenon seems to have started in 2006, peaked in 2007, and should be on its way out in 2008. Here’s to hoping!

The weird hipster mustaches must stop.  I feel like they’re dying out a bit around town but I keep encountering them at random moments.  A dude on the personals site e-mailed me today.  He has a huge freaking mustache!  I don’t think I can even date someone who used to have a hipster mustache let alone someone who has one now!  So, do I respond to this guy and say, “Dude, you’re probably very nice but your freaky mustache makes me want to hurl?”  That seems mean.  Clearly, he digs his facial growth and my revulsion is not his problem.  Do I just ignore his attempt at contact?  I’m pretty sure he pinged me once before and I ignored him.  I don’t want to respond and have him think he’s got a shot when he totally doesn’t.

This line of thought reminds me of an ad I saw the other day.  It was written by a guy who was angry that women don’t respond to his e-mails. He thinks the women on the site must all be fake, put there to get him to spend money on a paid  account.  He thinks anyone he contacts should respond and have a conversation with him.  I totally disagree.  If I e-mail someone and they don’t respond, then I know they’re not interested and it saves me from wasting my time on them. I suspect if people did respond to his e-mails, he would be complaining that no one will actually go out with him and that these fake women are wasting his time with e-mail conversations that go nowhere.  I’ve seen ads on craigslist by guys complaining about it.  Jeez, if they can’t even take rejection via an online dating service, I hate to think what these guys are like in person! <shudder>

I decided to update my online dating profile. I was cruising the ads and found that CB is on there again. It felt like a kick in the gut, another nail in a coffin already buried six feet deep. Yuck. FWB has been active on there the entire time I’ve known him, which is totally cool with me.
So, to combat that sick feeling in my stomach, I decided to reactivate my account and update a few things. I don’t know if there’s anyone particularly interesting out there, but I figure, what the heck. It’s always been fun and I don’t see why CB should ruin it for me. Grrrr. I still wish I’d never met him and I really, really wish he’d get out of my head. I should watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again sometime. Maybe it would be cathartic.