Citygrrrl

Eeek. So things with NG are really great. I haven’t seen FWB since we met, and as I mentioned before, I turned off my online dating profile over a week ago. Today FWB suggested we hang out since we haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks. I totally want to hang out with him so I told him I’d meet him for happy hour. This threw me into something of a panic though because of NG. What to do?!

I decided to call NG and, after some general hemming and hawing, asked him if he would like us to see each other exclusively. He said yes, without hesitation, and that he thought things were going well and moving in that direction too. I really hope I’m not rushing things but I need to be fair to FWB and it seemed like telling him in person would be the right thing to do. I hope he’ll feel okay with it. I feel a little nervous.

NG and I are both booked up until Thursday, which is fine since I need to NOT have sex for a couple of days. I think part of the problem has been my NuvaRing. It was totally in the wrong spot yesterday and I was actually feeling worse as the day went on before I discovered it. Enough blathering. I will go do things now.

I was chatting online with NG this afternoon about various silly things involving our respective dogs. Eventually it was time for us to both move away from our computers and on to other activities. As he signed off, he gave me a little bouquet of flowers via emoticon. It was very cute and sweet. Then I thought to myself, “Wow, I’m impressed because a guy gave me pretend flowers. Is this what my expectations have come to?”

My ex-husband was incredibly good about giving flowers for all manner of occasions. There were birthday flowers, apology flowers, just-because flowers, congratulatory flowers, anniversary flowers, get well soon flowers…you name an occasion, and I probably got flowers for it at some point. The expense of flower bouquets always made me wince internally when I got them but I always appreciated the sentiment attached and it made him feel good to be that guy. The one who still gives his wife flowers 11 years into their marriage.

This little virtual flower bouquet from NG made me realize that in two years of dating, not one boyfriend or lover has given me flowers. Flowers are totally a waste of money, except for the sentiment attached to them. Hah! It just occurred to me that I have a not-so-small pile of CDs sitting on a bookshelf, all gifts from the musicians I’ve dated. Perhaps CDs are the new flowers!

NG is cooking me dinner Tuesday night. He said I shouldn’t bring anything. I think I’d better bring him some flowers…

Saturday with NG was interesting. We met up in the late afternoon and did some cool Portland stuff (which I’m keeping a secret for security’s sake) and then had dinner and drinks at a mutually favorite restaurant. After dinner we went to my friend’s birthday party at a local lounge. It was fun and we spent a total of about 9 1/2 hours together. We barely touched each other the entire time, except by accident. We played with his dog at his house for a little while after dinner and before the party. After the party he came into my house and we chatted on the couch for a little while. Neither of us made a move.

I’m not too surprised that he didn’t make a move, because I was probably sending off some very mixed signals. I’m not sure what that was about. He was still adorable and nice. We had a good time together. But, for some reason I just wasn’t sending off the “kiss me you fool!” signals. Partly I think it’s because I wasn’t really getting those signals from him very much. They were definitely there sometimes, just like with me. I feel like we’re both in a “I want to get to know you a little better” phase. Or, possibly it’s only me. It’s OK though. I feel good about going slow.

The freaky thing was that a guy I’ve had a crush on for two years was at the party. I hardly ever see him and it seems like whenever I do, I’m already seeing someone. I don’t even know him very well but I’m hugely attracted to him. It’s a strange chemical thing.

Anyway, NG and I texted back and forth a bit today. I think that we will see each other again. This one is interesting. The last time I went out on three dates with a guy and kissed him at the end of the 3rd, he ran away in a near panic. It turns out he was about to commit to someone else. I only kissed him because I was tipsy and I couldn’t figure him out. I figured I’d kiss him to see what he would do. It was hilarious! I took great enjoyment for several months from the fact that I kissed a boy and it caused him to run away. NG and I have spent a total of 12 1/2 hours together. That seems to me like a pretty decent chunk of time so far. I’m curious to see where this whole going slow thing leads.

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Update: He just pinged me to see if I’m free for a home-cooked meal at his place tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I’m not free, so I’m trying to wrangle for Tues night instead. 

Dear Diary,

NewGuy is soooooo cute.  I can hardly stand it!  I hope he liked me and that I wasn’t too much of a dork.  We’re going out on Saturday so I think that’s a good sign, don’t you?

Love,

Citygrrrl

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Someone should just shoot me now and get it over with.  He was ridiculously cute and I’m pretty sure I made a bit of idiot of myself.  Sometimes that happens when I’m all distracted by how freaking cute someone is.  He’s 32 but he looks like he’s about 25.  I almost feel like I’m doing something extra naughty. Did I mention that he’s adorable?  And tall?  He was even fun to hang out and chat with.  There was no kissing or anything.  It’s probably good that I had sex last night.  I have no problem letting this one breathe and go a little slowly. I may even cause him to make the first move if things go that way.

My normal Weds night activity was canceled this morning but as it happens, FWB asked if I had plans tonight. Since I suddenly didn’t have plans, we made one. So, as things stand now, I have a date tonight with FWB and a drinks date with the New Guy tomorrow night. Maybe that’s what I’ll call him, NG. If he survives our first date, and I think he’s cool enough, that’ll be his name.

Activity has slowed on the dating service site. I suspect that everyone who’s active and has a paid account has seen me and either opted to e-mail me or has decided to pass. That’s fine for now. Like I’ve said before, I don’t really want more than two or three lovers at once. R- barely counts since we so rarely get together. If NG doesn’t work out, I can revisit the other guys who’ve pinged me. NG looks scritchy. I suspect if we ever make out, there will be whisker burn. <sigh> Alright, back to work…

The one guy on the dating site that I was interested in pinged me today.  He has a dog. He digs music, travel, and various other things I like.  He’s tall and cute.  He lives in my quadrant of PDX. I suggested we meet for drinks.  I hope he’s cool in person.  Please, oh please, let him be cool in person!  I’ll come up with a “name” for him on here after we meet.  Wooo!

Hi folks,

I had a question about what exactly constitutes a hipster mustache as opposed to a regular mustache. A hipster mustache is not the Tom Selleck, Magnum PI ’stache. It’s more like what you might see on a steamboat captain circa 1888. It usually involves handlebars, often some kind of wax, and much fiddling about with it in public. There are those without the follicular strength to pull off the handlebar action. Those mustaches are typically rather wispy and sad. Click on the illustration below for LA Weekly’s take on the hipster mustache. This phenomenon seems to have started in 2006, peaked in 2007, and should be on its way out in 2008. Here’s to hoping!

The weird hipster mustaches must stop.  I feel like they’re dying out a bit around town but I keep encountering them at random moments.  A dude on the personals site e-mailed me today.  He has a huge freaking mustache!  I don’t think I can even date someone who used to have a hipster mustache let alone someone who has one now!  So, do I respond to this guy and say, “Dude, you’re probably very nice but your freaky mustache makes me want to hurl?”  That seems mean.  Clearly, he digs his facial growth and my revulsion is not his problem.  Do I just ignore his attempt at contact?  I’m pretty sure he pinged me once before and I ignored him.  I don’t want to respond and have him think he’s got a shot when he totally doesn’t.

This line of thought reminds me of an ad I saw the other day.  It was written by a guy who was angry that women don’t respond to his e-mails. He thinks the women on the site must all be fake, put there to get him to spend money on a paid  account.  He thinks anyone he contacts should respond and have a conversation with him.  I totally disagree.  If I e-mail someone and they don’t respond, then I know they’re not interested and it saves me from wasting my time on them. I suspect if people did respond to his e-mails, he would be complaining that no one will actually go out with him and that these fake women are wasting his time with e-mail conversations that go nowhere.  I’ve seen ads on craigslist by guys complaining about it.  Jeez, if they can’t even take rejection via an online dating service, I hate to think what these guys are like in person! <shudder>

I decided to update my online dating profile. I was cruising the ads and found that CB is on there again. It felt like a kick in the gut, another nail in a coffin already buried six feet deep. Yuck. FWB has been active on there the entire time I’ve known him, which is totally cool with me.
So, to combat that sick feeling in my stomach, I decided to reactivate my account and update a few things. I don’t know if there’s anyone particularly interesting out there, but I figure, what the heck. It’s always been fun and I don’t see why CB should ruin it for me. Grrrr. I still wish I’d never met him and I really, really wish he’d get out of my head. I should watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again sometime. Maybe it would be cathartic.

Some women do like a fixer-upper…

I’m looking for a coach - 34

I am looking for some one who can help me refine
how I present myself in social situations.
I am a shy person. I have been able to get by.
I have been successful in my career and I have my own consulting business, and I have friends.
and I have made a lot of progress over the past year.
But I’m still a piece of work. Sometimes I feel like I just landed
here from outer space.

I wonder if there is someone who could help me to take me to the next level.
I think I need help in these areas:

How to hold myself (posture)
Dressing
Eye contact
How to have conversations (I am horrible at small talk)
My hair
How I dress

I have read lots, I have made a lot of progress trying to change on my own,
I think it would be really helpful to have someone coach me.
I want someone to give me feedback
and point out what I’m doing wrong.
I need to train myself like an athlete, because a lot of this feels
unnatural, I just need to train my body. And if someone could see me objectively
and give me guidance.

Me? Not so much.