Citygrrrl

I had drinks with FWB.  We shot some pool and took a walk.  I told him I met someone.  He took it well.  Ugh.  It was still hard.  I hope he will still be friends with me.  If not, then that’s that.

I told NG I was sorry to spring such a thing on him via phone when I would rather have done it in person.  I told him it was because I needed to tell someone about him. He said he was glad I asked him because he hasn’t felt this optomistic about a girl in a long time.  <sigh> I’ve heard that one before but, I too feel optomistic if also a bit cagey.  I would be very happy to have a lover who lasts for awhile and makes me feel like being with him was an adventure worth having.  Cheers to that, no?

Eeek. So things with NG are really great. I haven’t seen FWB since we met, and as I mentioned before, I turned off my online dating profile over a week ago. Today FWB suggested we hang out since we haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks. I totally want to hang out with him so I told him I’d meet him for happy hour. This threw me into something of a panic though because of NG. What to do?!

I decided to call NG and, after some general hemming and hawing, asked him if he would like us to see each other exclusively. He said yes, without hesitation, and that he thought things were going well and moving in that direction too. I really hope I’m not rushing things but I need to be fair to FWB and it seemed like telling him in person would be the right thing to do. I hope he’ll feel okay with it. I feel a little nervous.

NG and I are both booked up until Thursday, which is fine since I need to NOT have sex for a couple of days. I think part of the problem has been my NuvaRing. It was totally in the wrong spot yesterday and I was actually feeling worse as the day went on before I discovered it. Enough blathering. I will go do things now.

FWB and I met at his house and walked to a local lounge for drinks, where we chatted and had a nice time unwinding.  We decided to watch a movie at his place and so popped over to the video store.  Knocked Up is a strange movie to watch with a fuck buddy.  It was a sweet and funny movie but it was kind of like, “Hey, now that we’ve watched 2 people cope with an accidental pregnancy and the resulting birth scene, let’s go have sex!”  Not exactly a turn-on.  Of course, we had sex anyway.

I don’t know what brand of condoms he’s using but they suck. I think it’s spermicide because I’ve encountered the gross smell with other condoms and yet not all of them.  I know it’s not me, because the smell starts as soon as he takes it out of the package.  Then I think it must heat up or something because it gets worse.  Yuck.

The sex was fun but he didn’t come. It takes away an important aspect of pleasure for me and I feel like it must be my fault but I can’t figure out what to do about it.  It’s not like I lie there with a bored look on my face, waiting for him to hurry up and finish. He banged me for ages, long after I’d climaxed, but never got there.  He got really sweaty and it seemed like he was really close a few times but eventually he was panting and practically wheezing and he lost it.  Maybe I should lie there after I climax with a bored look on my face after all.  Maybe his body needs some signal that it’s time to wrap it up and go home before I kick him off me?  I just don’t know but it seems like an ongoing issue with more than one lover so I feel like I can’t really chalk it up to random chance.  Are my expectations regarding male orgasm unrealistic?  Is chemistry our problem?  Maybe he’s having sex with me because it’s convenient and he likes me but he’s not really all that into me.

Afterwards we rested with our hands running over each other’s bodies.  It was super relaxing and I almost fell asleep.  That was nice and it felt really good.

Ah well, I’m going to get some sleep.  Tomorrow night is drinks with NG.  I swear, I’m actually half scared that he’ll be really cool. Fortunately, I’m not into self-sabotage.  Not that I’m aware of anyway!

My normal Weds night activity was canceled this morning but as it happens, FWB asked if I had plans tonight. Since I suddenly didn’t have plans, we made one. So, as things stand now, I have a date tonight with FWB and a drinks date with the New Guy tomorrow night. Maybe that’s what I’ll call him, NG. If he survives our first date, and I think he’s cool enough, that’ll be his name.

Activity has slowed on the dating service site. I suspect that everyone who’s active and has a paid account has seen me and either opted to e-mail me or has decided to pass. That’s fine for now. Like I’ve said before, I don’t really want more than two or three lovers at once. R- barely counts since we so rarely get together. If NG doesn’t work out, I can revisit the other guys who’ve pinged me. NG looks scritchy. I suspect if we ever make out, there will be whisker burn. <sigh> Alright, back to work…

Friday night’s date with FWB was a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand he wasn’t feeling well after the Blazer’s game and so opted to go home instead of meeting me downtown. Since I was already at the venue enjoying the music and a drink I wasn’t very bummed about it. I go to shows by myself all the time. I knew there was a chance he wouldn’t feel up to it since he’s been sick all week. On the other hand he wanted to hang out after the show. So he wasn’t too sick, if you catch my drift!

After the show I grabbed some tacos from Taco Hell and headed for his house. Porky’s Revenge was playing on Encore when I got there. The scary thing is that I knew it was a Porky’s movie merely by glancing at the screen and seeing the characters sitting at a cafeteria table. We had cable when I was a kid in the 80’s. This may explain some things.

Anyway, tacos were consumed, Porky didn’t get his revenge, and I got the second half of exactly what I wanted. I have the whisker burn to prove it! 

I have a date tonight with FWB. We’re meeting up downtown after the Blazer’s game for a show (music). We’ve never been out to a show together before so it should be interesting. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with him. I won’t be banging him tonight thanks to my period but I’m hoping we’ll have fun at the show, have a passionate make-out session, and then I’d like to go down on him with his hands wrapped in my hair until he explodes. That would be a most excellent evening.

I hope he shaves. A note to the guys…whisker burn sucks and it’s distracting.

Last week I decided I’d had enough of feeling like I was going to throw up or get an ulcer over CB, so I texted him to make sure that we were through. I very simply asked him to verify that he didn’t love me and the knot in his stomach was gone. After some “trying to be sensitive” condescension on his part, he verified that the knot in his stomach was indeed gone. That was close enough for my purposes so I e-mailed FWB to see if had any free time to hang out over the weekend.

We hadn’t been in contact much since I started seeing CB but every once in awhile he pinged me to see if I was still seeing him. He was entirely enthusiastic about getting together so we made a plan. We shot some pool, had some dinner, went to a party, had sex, and watched a movie –pretty much in that order. It was a rather long date but it was just what the Love Doctor ordered. We caught up on things a bit, enjoyed each other’s company, both in and out of bed, and curled up in a cuddly ball on the couch for the movie. It all felt great. There was no drama or trying to make sense of his moods. There was no randomly occurring feeling that I’d made some misstep. There was just mutual comfort and fun. Everyone should have such an FWB when they’re rebounding from heartbreak!

It reminded me again that sex can be fun and easy. It also reminded me that there are people in my life that I care about and value in ways other people probably wouldn’t understand. I feel lucky.

FWB is back in town but he’s in the middle of dealing with his wife moving out of the house and trying to find a housemate.  Things are pretty rough for him right now so I’m not going to push to see him.  I let him know if he wants to hang out, I’m all for it. But, I suspect he may need some time to gather his wits.  It’s a tough enough transition to come back from a 3 week vacation and go back to work without also dealing with this other life-altering stuff.  Poor guy.

My Friday night ended up being really fun after all.  I went to a hipster art show downtown and then watched a few gut wrenching episodes of Smallville while eating a pint of B&J.  I don’t think I’ve ever eaten an entire pint in one sitting.  My tummy, it’s a’rumbling.  Hopefully the bourbon will help to digest it.  Curdling surely counts towards the digestion process? I guess I’ll find out.

I chatted online with FWB a little bit this afternoon and it got me thinking about him.  He’s a really good kisser.  I also like him.  That’s a tough combination to find so I told him later via e-mail that I was thinking about that fact and that I’m looking forward to seeing him.  He replied that he agrees and is looking forward to seeing me too.  He said he liked the way we hung out before and doesn’t see why that should change.   That works for me and it was a relief to hear it.

It’s funny because, while the sex with him was good, it’s the kissing that I’m really looking forward to.  I’m pretty sure I could kiss him for a couple of hours before I’d have to tear his clothes off.  I may have to test that theory when he gets back.  It’s a nice way to shut off my brain.  Alcohol makes me sick before my brain shuts down.  Passion is much better!

I got word today from FWB. He is indeed separated as of last week. They’re in Europe together for 3 weeks and then when they get back, she’s going to move out. He said they’re still best friends but they need their space. Having been through a similar experience, I feel for him. His world is probably going to get a little rocky. I would like to help him through that, even if it’s by being a fun distraction. Fun distractions reminded me that life doesn’t have to be a drama filled emotional roller coaster. What comes around, goes around so maybe it’s my turn to be that for someone else. We’ll see.

Of course, now that he’s single for the first time since before he could legally drink, he may go completely nuts and fuck half the city. Not that I can in any way relate to that. <ahem>