I met CB-’s family Sunday night. They were really cool. We ate Thai food and watched game 7 of the ALCS (baseball). He hadn’t brought anyone home to meet the family in almost 2 years so it was kind of a big deal. He met my ex and his girlfriend earlier in the day, which is the equivalent to meeting my family. I don’t plan to ever actually introduce him to my parents. Certainly not my mother anyway!
Tonight, I will watch him play the drums, then I will lick the sweat from his ears before he fucks me silly. That’s my general plan. We haven’t actually had sex yet so I don’t know for sure that he’ll fuck me silly. We’ve messed around enough for me to know that it’s likely though. It’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about all day.
It’s weird to be this into someone. I keep finding myself wanting to say long-term things but then I stop myself. He doesn’t seem to stop himself much though so, I suppose I shouldn’t either. There’s a part of me that doesn’t quite believe he really wants to be with me. That once he gets to know me better he’ll think, “Oh. She’s not who I thought she was” and he’ll leave. It’s not that I don’t know what he sees in me, it’s more that I don’t know who he sees when he looks at me. There’s a difference. I’m trying to make sure my shields are down so he doesn’t see a blank slate. People project onto my blank slate shields the person they want me to be. It’s pretty handy sometimes, like in a job interview, but it’s not so great when I want a genuine relationship with someone.
Fortunately, I feel very comfortable around him and the doubts only plague me when we’re apart. I certainly feel more relaxed and at home with him than with anyone in a long time. Trust built over time will ease the doubts and in the meantime, this will certainly be an adventure!
