Sex, Standards, and Former Lovers

I dated a rather pudgy 5′10″ guy named M- for several months last spring. He had a few odd physical attributes but I really liked him so I ignored those things and had a good time, in and out of the sack. As it turned out, he wasn’t having as good a time with me as I was with him so things fizzled out over the summer. I think he needed to be dominated in bed more than I realized. If he’d told me what was going on instead of basically lying to me, I would have done things differently and he’d have had a better time but that’s his lesson to learn.

My lesson was to not believe a guy who says “I’m on this medication so sometimes I come and sometimes I don’t.” I also learned not to allow regular finger banging. In fact, I’ve pretty much declared a moratorium on it. If a guy can’t fuck me and get off on it, then we’re either going to get the real bottom of why or we’re just going to be friends. After we’d stopped seeing each other for a few weeks we ended up having an e-mail exchange in which he fessed up to never really connecting with me sexually. He said it was ironic because the last time we were together was “probably the best sex” we’d ever had.

Let’s recap that final encounter. He came over late in the evening after several long days of work. We started watching a movie on my couch but he was falling asleep so I turned it off. We made out for a bit. He suggested we go to bed. He went into my room, got undressed and crawled under the covers. I came in after using the bathroom, crawled on top of him under the covers and went down on him for about a minute, at which point he was hard, so I climbed on and went for a ride. With my hands on the wall over his head for support and his hands around my hips for a little extra guidance, I fucked him hard until I came and then kept grinding him until he came shortly thereafter. That was about it. Wham, bam, thank you man.

All that god damn bruising from his overzealous finger banging could have been avoided. Communication is key!  Clearly, this still annoys me to no end when I think about it.  We still e-mail each other on occasion about little things, usually music, but we haven’t seen each other since late July.  He still has something of mine and I have something of his, so we’re going to have to meet up for a trade one of these days.  He mentioned the other day that he hasn’t forgotten about my item and that it’s in his car.  I actually wouldn’t mind having a drink with him, but I don’t want to suggest it because I don’t want him to think I’m trying to start something up again.  I don’t need the item he’s holding anytime soon, so I’m just going to let it breathe.  The small e-mails seem like a good step in the direction of being friends.

Craigslist Ad of the Day + Random Commentary by Citygrrrl

This is a long one but I think he offers an interesting perspective on dating in Portland

are there any attractive straight women in PDX? – 40

So here I am living in Portland…and noticing there arent that many available women who are single, without kids and have a decent job and are straight…dont women like men in this town? I’m running into a lot of vegans, single moms, overweight, earthy types…which is way cool if I were into all that. I’m a little more on the conservative side…yet in southern states Im considered a flaming liberal….clearly “liberal” is geographical…. Im against the war, support our troops and dont care for Republican leadership, I dont care who people marry, I have no axe to grind with gay people…as long as they honor my diversity too. I’m 6′1″ tall, very athletic and in shape. I dont smoke anything, college educated, good career, short hair and own my home on the west side..

I looked at women seeking women on craigslist and saw a lot of hot women that dont like men…I have nothing against lesbians except for the fact that they dont want sex with me…otherwise Im down with diversity here. I dont blame them for being attracted to women…I think women are hot..I mean hotter than men. Have you seen some of the pussified men here? I truly think its due to being raised by single mothers who make their boys sit down to pee…it all starts there. I swear to God.

Clearly, I’m too masculine for this town. I’m into women who I am attracted to. So here it is..Im most attracted to women who are single without kids.. Kids are cool but Im not into them..Im also not a cat fan and dogs are ok if they can do tricks like fetch a beer from the fridge or catch a frisbee…cats are too indempendant and would never entertain the thought of getting the guy who feeds him a beer once in awhile. Very few cats will do tricks…only the dumb cats I guess and there arent many dumb cats around…so I digressed.. I also have ADHD can you tell? I really like women who are slim to HWP… HWP in Portland means fat (I know fat is a bad word here)…Im not into fat ladies and before you flag me please consider that women are always asking to date tall guys. Why do women get to discriminate on height (something that cannot be controlled) and men cant discriminate on weight (something that usually can be controlled by not eating…ok there are some exceptions but Im talking in generalities here) Im just letting you know what physical features turn me on most.

Beyond looks…given that a lady is my type physically only gets her in the door… I mean if I saw a hot lady in a bar Id still know nothing about her. Deal breakers for me would include smoking, drugs, std, unemployed, young kids…older kids are ok….no car, no home or lives with roommates, adult kids living off mom at home, multiple cats (one is ok), vegans (god what a pain in the ass they are), overly religious (Jesus, save me from your followers!) and last but not least… Birkenstocks! Birkentstocs are now the most reliable form of birth control.

Ok, so if you read through this and dont think Im too much of a whack job to meet for coffee, please send me a note. I’m really a nice guy.

It’s bad, but sometimes I want to respond to these ads just to see who they are or what they look like.  I’ve heard the complaint from other guys that all the cool girls are either gay or married.  It used to be the women who said that!  When I was growing up in the 80’s it was the line “All the good ones are gay.”  He also has a point that guys get lambasted for specifying a body type preference and yet women discriminate based on height all the time.  Is there a difference?